so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
