Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
