I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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