Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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