He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
