White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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