she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize