Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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