suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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