I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
