as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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