Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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