i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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