She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
