I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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