it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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