Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
