you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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