His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
