I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
