i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
