we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize