he shaved USA in his pubs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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