Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
