so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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