i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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