I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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