I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize