i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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