I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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