evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
