I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
