Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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