dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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