Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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