Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
