I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Farmville is her only friend.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
