It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
