yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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