i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
