Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
