Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Come see our sink grown plant.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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