remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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