Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
