THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
