i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
