I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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