Your mouth is God's brothel.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
