His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
