dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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