I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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