i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
