We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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