smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
