Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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