I have demons in me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
