awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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