he thought i was a dude.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
