Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
