On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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