I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
